Power Patsuan
by EvilFuzzy9
Summary: Or, "Why Fuzzy Should Not be Allowed to Read Hentai Manga": Shinpachi finds a mysterious computer while cleaning out Gin-san's closet... and suddenly now he's got some kind of sparrow woman following him around, calling him "Shadahr-sama". And what the heck is an incubus, anyways?-! [CRACK, with all due credit to both Yamatogawa and Sorachi-sensei]


**Power Patsuan**

A _Gintama_ lemonbunny

By

EvilFuzzy9

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**WARNING: This fanfic depicts activities of an adult nature between characters who would be minors in the real world. The author of this fic does not endorse such things being done by minors in real life, and in fact strongly discourages minors from reading this, and also from participating in any and all such activities until they are at the age of majority/consent as defined in the laws or customs of their state or principality.**

(_got Yamatogawa's 'Power Play' hentai manga the other day... haven't even read more than the first or so chapter, but it's given me ideas... dirty, filthy ideas XD_)

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Shinpachi stared at the contraband he had found while cleaning out his nominal employer's closet. It was thin and black, constructed of sleek glossy material. On the top half, _Cell_ was written, a brand logo. From the back extended a power cord, which plugged into an outlet that was hidden behind stacks of vintage _Playboys_ and back issues of _Jump_.

He eyed the object disbelievingly, dressed like he was a member of a mid-rate hotel's cleaning staff, with gloves, and apron, and a bandanna over his head. A black garbage bag was outside the closet behind him, next to boxes labeled _Porn_, _Jump_, _Kitsch_, _More Porn_, _Junk Gin-san has no use for but refuses to throw away_, and _Unfiled Tax Returns_.

"Eh?" said Shinpachi Shimura, staring in disbelief at what looked for all the world to be a cutting edge laptop. "Ehhh? Since when did Gin-san have a computer? He can't even afford a cell phone, but he has such an expensive looking laptop collecting dust in his closet...? There's something wrong with this picture, right...?"

The perennial sixteen year old shook his head, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Honestly..." he muttered. "That Gin-san... I bet he filled this thing up with porn and got a computer virus the first day owning it... that would be just like him, wouldn't it?" the young man mused to himself. "And that's definitely the only reason that someone like him would own a computer..."

Shinpachi was silent for a moment. He stood there, staring down at the laptop which he had unearthed from the strata of crusty, fallen clothes and discarded magazines which covered the floor of Gintoki's closet.

"Ah..." he said, his cheeks a little bit pink. "Yeah. There's probably all kinds of filthy, disgusting pornography stored on that computer... probably some seriously nasty, hardcore stuff. It's definitely the kind of thing we wouldn't want Kagura-chan to see."

He stood there still, motionless and staring. His gaze was intent and pensive, his cheeks gradually erubescent.

"Ahhh... yes, I bet Gin-san never even made any back ups... he's one of the least tech saavy people I know, after all..." he murmured, his glasses steaming up a little. "All of that porn... I suppose Gin-san is an adult. It's his right to look at that kind of thing, and he was clearly keeping it very well hidden from me and Kagura-chan... that's probably the most responsibility we can expect out of that hopeless samurai."

Shinpachi nodded, then.

"Yes..." he said slowly. "Gin-san might not be the best boss... and he might have foisted the job of cleaning this pig stye off on me while he and Kagura-chan are off doing an easy, high-paying job for Sakamoto-san and the Kaientai... but I suppose the least I can do is make a back up of his files."

Shinpachi gulped, a little nervous. His knuckles were white, hands clenched tightly into fists. His cheeks were quite rosy at this point, and he was trembling.

"I-it's not like I plan to look through his stuff, or anything..." he said to himself, nervously scratching his chin. "I'm just making a back up of his laptop's documents. That's just common sense with computers. Not like I'm doing this just to see what kind of porn Gin-san has... I'm not that kind of person, after all..." he continued, making flimsy justifications to himself.

"And, of course," he continued, "before backing it up I'll probably want to scan for infected files... you know, so I don't accidentally damage the storage device... that holodrive cost me practically three months' salary to buy, you know..." he muttered, rambling anxiously. "So I'll look through his computer for anything suspicious... maybe I'll download a free antivirus, if I need to... and if I happen to stumble across something inappropriate while I'm scanning, well... that's just Gin-san's fault for leaving that kind of stuff where a minor could find it, you know?"

He chuckled nervously, before unplugging the laptop and removing it from the closet. It was quite light in his arms, and he headed for the bathroom.

"Naturally, I wouldn't want Kagura-chan or Tama-san walking in on me while I'm doing this... you know, in case there's anything inappropriate on here... I wouldn't want to corrupt their minds with the kind of filth Gin-san would be keeping on a laptop hidden in the bottom of his closet... Ahahahaha!" he laughed over-loudly, everything about his speech and bearing betraying the dateless teen's true motives.

Going into the bathroom, Shinpachi locked the door behind himself. He sat down on the toilet, plugging the laptop's power cord into an outlet next the sink, just under the automatic air freshener/nightlight.

Flipping the power book open, Shinpachi pressed the _on_ button, booting it up.

It opened right into Gin-san's desktop. The background was aa very suggestive, but technically non-pornographic photo of some unnamed gravure model striking a sensual pose on a beach somewhere, the positioning of her body relative to the camera greatly emphasizing some very... _considerable_... assets.

Shinpach wiped a drop of blood from his upper lip, his glasses fogging up and his cheeks all but glowing. He stared intently for a moment or two at that background, mesmerized by its enchanting... _composition_, I suppose you could call it.

Shinpachi, glancing down at the toolbar, saw that there appeared to be several minimized windows. The system date also looked to be several weeks old – or at least until he clicked on it. Then the computer locked up briefly, a noticeably wimpy-sounding internal fan whirring to life, the cursor turning into an old fashioned sand dial as the CPU chugged through this procedural blockage.

A few seconds later, the time updated, and the cursor returned to an arrow.

_Gin-san..._ thought Shinpachi. _When was the last time you actually shut this computer off...? For that matter, why does something as simple as updating the time take it so long? Huh? What have you been doing to this machine? It's top of the line, right? Can't be more than a month old... so why the hell is it running so slow?!_

He sighed, shaking his head.

"Honestly..." he murmured. "I bet Gin-san doesn't even know the difference between turning off a monitor and turning off the computer itself... he's probably never installed so much as a single system update."

Shinpachi tutted disapprovingly, using his middle finger to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"And what are these windows at the bottom, anyways?" he wondered to himself, running his finger across the built in mouse pad, making the cursor follow his movement and travel down to the bottom of the screen. He thumbed over one of the icons, causing a line of text to appear over the archaic _W*ndows 98_-era cursor.

_Ero Quest III - Revenge of the Incubus King (DEMO)_

Shinpachi blinked.

"...eh?" he said, staring at that line of text. "Eh...?"

He took a closer look at the thumbnail on the bottom of the screen. It was a stylized, slightly pixelated profile image of a dark skinned woman with silver hair. She was visibly topless and winking mischievously at the fourth wall, looking quite unashamed. The thumbnail logo image went just low enough to show bare, cinnamon shoulders and a long, sloping line of cleavage which dipped down below the screen.

It cut off just _barely_ before the point where one might expect to start seeing nipples.

"...eh?" said Shinpachi again. "Ah... that was ridiculously fast..." he murmured. "I know I expected to find porn on this, but... practically the first thing I click on...?!" He shook his head. "Ahh, so careless, Gin-san... you really don't know a thing about using computers, do you? Probably, you don't even know about browser history..."

Then, Shinpachi was silent for a moment.

The plain white arrowhead cursor hovered temptingly over the topless beauty on the toolbar. The teen's cheeks were bright red, and a bit of blood was trickling from his nostrils.

"Ah... I suppose it couldn't hurt..." he mused. "Just to see what Gin-san uses this laptop for, of course... heheh... it's not like I'd actually be interested in that sort of thing myself... I'm a 3D man, through and through."

Despite his words, it was with an undisguised enthusiasm that Shinpachi "The Glasses" Shimura clicked on the thumbnail, and his eyes were glued intently to the computer screen.

Sparks came suddenly from the power outlet, acrid smoke issuing from the electrical slots. The overhead light went out, plunging the bathroom into darkness, save for where the light of the computer monitor fell.

Predictably, the screen of the laptop chose precisely that moment to go black. Not "opening something in fullscreen" black, either. No, it was flat out "this monitor is dead" black.

Shinpachi could smell burnt circuitry. The laptop felt a touch dangerously hot, so close to his groin.

Gingerly, he set it down on the sink counter, which he could just barely make out in the murk.

"Eh?" he said, a little discombobulated. "Eh? Did this laptop just short out the power? Did it blow a fuse with that eroge? Eh? Did Gin-san's filthy game demo shortcircuit the entire building?"

Standing up, the teen shook his head.

_Ah... this really is bad luck..._ he thought, sweating a little nervous. _Hopefully Gin-san doesn't get mad... or maybe this is why it was in the closet to begin with?_ he mused. _Maybe it was already broken... Ahh, I really hope that's the case..._

Nervously, Shinpachi began groping blindly for the bathroom door. If he was lucky, he could put Gin-san's laptop back where he found it and nobody would ever know...

"Yeah..." he muttered to himself. "Maybe it's for the best that it broke when it did... If I indulged myself in that kind of thing, I'd probably wind up a madao loser just like Gin-san..."

His hand chose that moment to land on something. It was soft, large, and round.

_Definitely not the doorknob._

Shinpachi broke out into a cold sweat, feeling what his hand was touching.

"Eh...? What's this...?" he whispered nervously, feeling how smooth, warm, and pliable this object was. He felt a texture identical to skin, human skin, and some kind of soft nub was digging into the palm of his hand.

He was shaking, feeling decidedly anxious at the feeling of...

Shinpachi's train of thought was broken by a moan. It was low, husky, yet girlish, and it sent shivers up his spine.

In more than one way.

Seizing up in fear, his fingers clenched over that object, that thing which Shinpachi was now certain beyond any shadow of a doubt had to be—

"Ahh... Shadahr-sama...❤" he heard a woman's voice purr in the darkness. "I'm happy to see you haven't lost your touch... Oooh, yesss... Fill me up with your mana...!"

Shinpachi blinked.

"Huh?" he said, distinctly terrified, like a deer caught in headlights. His hand felt like it was frozen to that sumptuous, delectable morsel. "Um. Hello?" he said to... whoever was speaking. He squinted a little through the darkness, trying to make out the speaker. "Who is this? How did you get in here?"

He heard a giggle, lusty and confident.

"Ah... you talk like you don't know your loyal servant, yet your hand tells me the truth... Lord Shadahr..."

The lights suddenly flickered back on.

Shinpachi's eyes widened. All blood left his face, expelled rather violently through his nostrils.

Before him stood a woman, the spitting image of the girl from that icon on Gin-san's laptop. With dusky tanned skin, a flawless complexion, curves for miles, and legs that didn't know when to quit... silver hair was done up in twin tails, and mischievous blue eyes twinkled at him from a lovely, rosy-cheeked face... she was gorgeous, a perfect ten on every scale, a woman the likes of which most guys would never get to meet in person, let alone _touch_...

...and she was also completely, one hundred percent butt naked, in the nude, back to nature, wholly and entirely bereft of any kind or fashion of garment or covering, save for a black, simply ornamented choker worn around her slender, shapely neck.

Shinpachi's hand perversely refused to remove itself from her bosom, no matter how halfheartedly he willed it.

She smiled at him, looking to Shinpachi distinctly like the fox that slipped into the chicken coop.

"Mm, you missed me, didn't you?" she asked him slyly, eyes twinkling. "Ufufu... it was really unfortunate, getting trapped in that contraption... but I knew you would remember your most faithful servant eventually, Shadahr-sama~❤"

Shinpachi blinked.

He stared at the naked form of this beautiful seductress, his face pale, and his shirt stained scarlet with nasal hemorrhage.

"Wha..." he murmured, anxious, nervous. "Wha..." he repeated, eyes narrowed and jaw hanging loosely open. "Wha..._** WHAT THE HELL KIND OF FANFICTION PREMISE IS THIS?!**_"

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A/N: A completely, senseless smutty one, Patsuan. :P

Doing a set up like this, I probably could have set it in just about any series you care to name... hehe, but seeing as how the power play protag is named _Sadaharu..._

Also, I did not expect the set up with Shinpachi finding the Shadahr stuff on Gin-san's computer to go nearly so long... but then they DO say "write what you know", don't they? And if there's one thing I know, it's computers. Not as any kind of tech expert, mind you, but just as someone who has spent the majority of his adult life staring at a computer display of one kind or another... hehe, I suppose with all of that experience, it's only natural for it to get expressed through my writing, when I deign to cover it...

Also, also, as a NOTE to followers of my stories:

I have suddenly gotten a LOT more hours at work, after my brother got a new job elsewhere... I'm working full hours every day for the foreseeable future, until they can find a replacement, so I might not have as much free time in which to write, for a while...

...which is why I did this thing that I _might_ make one or two updates to before abadoning completely for lack of inertia/interest...

Eh. Dem's da breaks. The fickle as fuck, ADHD breaks.

**Updated:** 2-13-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


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